Thursday, March 26, 2015

A Blessing In Disguise?

I have an awful memory but do remember the weirdest things.
My childhood is a blur.....sometimes I wonder if it happened.
You'd think I'd remember when my brother was born (I was 4) but I don't. I don't even remember when my sister was born (I was 8). I think I remember running in a grassy yard...where??? I do have a very few pictures of my first years, even they don't bring my memory back. 
I do remember a few things from my preteen and teens years and that is about it. We were poor when I was little and lived with my paternal grandparents. Before I was 2 my baby sister was still born and my father died, all within a month's time. Since my mother was not liked by her mother in law we must have moved somewhere else. I believe my mother had 'nervous breakdown' at that time. Two  years later she was remarried and had a baby. I don't remember any of that. I know we lived in a teeny tiny trailer because there is a photo.  I know that later some of our cousins lived with us for a memories of that either. I do remember going to my aunts and walking around her yard and looking at her flowers, I remember my cousin giving me an almost used up tube of green mascara. I remember the bookshelf you remember those? the game folded into what looked like a book and therefore fit on a bookshelf. I thought those were so neat. 
Sometimes I wonder if my lack of memory is a good thing. Were those times in my life too hard???? and I just blocked those memories??? No, I don't have alzheimers, I have always been like this. I remember day to day things, appointments, etc. just not my past.

The past year has been full of blessings:
* my cancer is gone
*I've connected with some new friends
* friends that are here have helped me when needed
*I was blessed with the chance to choose retirement before I was diagnosed so I was able to stay home and take care of myself
*my body is healing and I feel good now
*I've had some side effects but all have successfully treated
*I have good doctors & nurses care for me
*I know that I can deal with what happens....'Que sera sera'
I know there are many more that I have not written down here.

I can not say cancer has been a blessing, I am not that intuitive. I just can't say. I know I've had 8 or more chemo treatments last year, some that lasted nearly all day. I remember the date of the last one. I know I had some pretty lazy, nap filled days when I had to force myself to eat. I know that last summer I refused to let anyone see me without a head covering on. I know there were days when I could barely walk 10' and I spent most of my days in the recliner. I know those things but don't have a clear memory of those days and I am glad.
Is my bad memory a blessing?
I seem to remember the good & happy times in my life....sadly, I only remember the bad times in my first marriage.

That is just some of the stuff I think about when I can't sleep.

Oh! I almost could I?
I have passed the 1/2 mark for my radiation treatments. Woo Hoo!!! So far everything looks good. If I do have some burning I don't expect it until the last week of treatment.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.


  1. Linda, I think we forget things that make no real impact in our lives or things that are just better forgotten. I am glad you are doing so much better. Stay strong. Keep your faith. blessings, xoxo,Susie

  2. Thank you Linda, for sharing your life with us, as you remember it. My dearest did not have a pleasant childhood, and doesn't remember it...His Aunt told me stories that my husband says he can remember. Maybe this is good. I was so blessed to have a marvelous childhood, and remember it like yesterday...have had many tragedies in my adult life...but God has been with us in every event, and got us through.. Our motto.... One day at a time, Sweet Jesus!!

    Love, hugs and thoughts for you dear Linda.

  3. I am so glad you're doing better. Don't worry about your memory, I was told last year when my hubby was having chemo treatments, that chemo effects it. It can be a good thing not to remember some things. God is good, trust Him and keep believing in His love and care for you!

  4. I blocked out a few things from my childhood as well, but the happy memories remain! It is better not to remember the bad times. Yes, you have been blessed. Some times, things even as bad as cancer is motivation to slow down and draw closer to God.