A Blessing In Disguise?

I have an awful memory but do remember the weirdest things.

My childhood is a blur.....sometimes I wonder if it happened.

You'd think I'd remember when my brother was born (I was 4) but I don't. I don't even remember when my sister was born (I was 8). I think I remember running in a grassy yard...where??? I do have a very few pictures of my first years, even they don't bring my memory back. 

I do remember a few things from my preteen and teens years and that is about it. We were poor when I was little and lived with my paternal grandparents. Before I was 2 my baby sister was still born and my father died, all within a month's time. Since my mother was not liked by her mother in law we must have moved somewhere else. I believe my mother had 'nervous breakdown' at that time. Two  years later she was remarried and had a baby. I don't remember any of that. I know we lived in a teeny tiny trailer because there is a photo.  I know that later some of our cousins lived with us for a bit...no memories of that either. I do remember going to my aunts and walking around her yard and looking at her flowers, I remember my cousin giving me an almost used up tube of green mascara. I remember the bookshelf games....do you remember those? the game folded into what looked like a book and therefore fit on a bookshelf. I thought those were so neat. 

Sometimes I wonder if my lack of memory is a good thing. Were those times in my life too hard???? and I just blocked those memories??? No, I don't have alzheimers, I have always been like this. I remember day to day things, appointments, etc. just not my past.

The past year has been full of blessings:

* my cancer is gone

*I've connected with some new friends

* friends that are here have helped me when needed
*I was blessed with the chance to choose retirement before I was diagnosed so I was able to stay home and take care of myself

*my body is healing and I feel good now

*I've had some side effects but all have successfully treated
*I have good doctors & nurses care for me

*I know that I can deal with what happens....'Que sera sera'
I know there are many more that I have not written down here.

I can not say cancer has been a blessing, I am not that intuitive. I just can't say. I know I've had 8 or more chemo treatments last year, some that lasted nearly all day. I remember the date of the last one. I know I had some pretty lazy, nap filled days when I had to force myself to eat. I know that last summer I refused to let anyone see me without a head covering on. I know there were days when I could barely walk 10' and I spent most of my days in the recliner. I know those things but don't have a clear memory of those days and I am glad.

Is my bad memory a blessing?

I seem to remember the good & happy times in my life....sadly, I only remember the bad times in my first marriage.

That is just some of the stuff I think about when I can't sleep.

Oh! I almost forgot....how could I?
I have passed the 1/2 mark for my radiation treatments. Woo Hoo!!! So far everything looks good. If I do have some burning I don't expect it until the last week of treatment.

Thanks for reading my ramblings.