Today's headline for our small Sunday paper is OUT OF THE DARKNESS, focusing on survivors of suicide. That's a subject I seldom hear people discuss, it's a dark secret that we are ashamed of....at least it was in my case.
I grew up with a step father that I really didn't have a relationship with....I am not blaming anyone, that is just the way it was. I am very introverted, independent, and use to hide my real feelings deep inside myself (b/c if people know you they can hurt you). When I was about 18 months old my father took his life and during my childhood I was told he died from an accident. ...and that was it....I am sure my mother was trying to protect me. I know it was an excruciatingly hard time in her life (for more reasons than just that). I think I was in high school or older when I finally found out the truth. I was ashamed and it was very difficult to tell people the truth at first.
Many years later, after my divorce, my ex took his life. It still makes me cry to this day to think that 2 men whom I loved and trusted took their lives.....there is always this tiny nagging feeling (from the devil) that I am not worthy of love, that I do something to make this happen.
After all I do not have the best relationships with my sons, hubby can be distant at times, and then there is person X (we have a horrible relationship).
A few months ago the wife of one of hubby's co-workers took her life...they have a 7 yr old daughter, she had older sons and even grandchildren....but for some reason she could not take this world any longer. I feel so bad for that little girl, I hope she is getting counseling.
After all these years I now know that someone who commits suicide is not thinking with their right mind, the devil takes over and takes away all reasoning and hope. It is not the fault of the loved ones left behind. It doesn't matter if you are rich or poor, Christian or not; something just snaps and a tragedy happens.