Monday, March 26, 2012


Do you consider yourself a competitive person? Do you have to win?I do not/never have played sports, so that doesn't apply. Hubby and his twin are extremely competitive. Do you have to have something better than the other person? I don't care about that at all. I use to say that I didn't have a competitive bone in my body but after thinking this morning I'd say that I do have one, small competitive bone. Yes, I do like to win, but it's not that important. It's not in the game playing field or in the area of belongings, it's more in the area of relationships that I feel I might have to compete.....stemming from the loss of my dad as a toddler??? ...and my mothers ensuing breakdown??? I remember once, in my first marriage, when I felt like I had to compete for my husband's attention versus the attention he was paying to a male cousin of his. I did not actually do anything, I just remember thinking that I am his wife and if I just be my loving self he will 'come back' to me....and he did. That was a long, long time ago but the feeling and memory has stayed with me. I still feel that if I am myself that person who cared for me at one time will come back to me and realize my value. If that doesn't happen I guess it wasn't meant to be, it was only an intermittent relationship....but can a family relationship be that??? How long do friendships last???
At almost 7, grandson J is beginning to say that there's nothing to do here, he wants to play with someone: we don't have any video games; hubby doesn't spend more than 1/2 hour of his time with J when he's here; I'm a woman and as a boy J wants to do 'boy things'; we aren't 'fun' people, etc. I sometimes feel that I have to compete against his other grandparents, who have teens at home, have lots of friends over, have bonfires, etc. It's starting to hurt because for the first 5 years of his life he was here a LOT and he cried when he had to be at his other grandparents (not that I want that) and I really love that kid. Maybe, once again, I feel like I am being abandoned? Maybe that's why I feel so strongly about being able to take care of oneself.............who else will?

decorating cookies with food color markers.
playing a new Angry Birds game on my Nook
Yes, life is pretty boring here in wintertime............summer will be much better!


  1. Linda--I could relate to this post in so many ways. On the surface I would not say that I'm competitive, but in real life I am somewhat. I think mine stems from being surpassed in some ways by my younger sister. There were boys in high school who dated me in order to get to know HER!

    Our grandson who lives with us is the same age. We don't have television in our household, but his mother keeps him well-supplied with video games. We have tried to focus our efforts on outdoor toys--like bicycles and skates and jump ropes. I know that I've had some light conflict with him because I don't allow him and his friends the run of our household...

  2. Terri, you are among the few who don't have TV and my daughter is with you. They only watch the occasionally movies. Amy has never liked tv, her oldest will be 12 and he recently bought a Kindle Fire. They don't have any video games either. Her children are avid readers. I am very proud of her. Good job to you very brave people.