Do you consider yourself a competitive person? Do you have to win?I do not/never have played sports, so that doesn't apply. Hubby and his twin are extremely competitive. Do you have to have something better than the other person? I don't care about that at all. I use to say that I didn't have a competitive bone in my body but after thinking this morning I'd say that I do have one, small competitive bone. Yes, I do like to win, but it's not that important. It's not in the game playing field or in the area of belongings, it's more in the area of relationships that I feel I might have to compete.....stemming from the loss of my dad as a toddler??? ...and my mothers ensuing breakdown??? I remember once, in my first marriage, when I felt like I had to compete for my husband's attention versus the attention he was paying to a male cousin of his. I did not actually do anything, I just remember thinking that I am his wife and if I just be my loving self he will 'come back' to me....and he did. That was a long, long time ago but the feeling and memory has stayed with me. I still feel that if I am myself that person who cared for me at one time will come back to me and realize my value. If that doesn't happen I guess it wasn't meant to be, it was only an intermittent relationship....but can a family relationship be that??? How long do friendships last???
At almost 7, grandson J is beginning to say that there's nothing to do here, he wants to play with someone: we don't have any video games; hubby doesn't spend more than 1/2 hour of his time with J when he's here; I'm a woman and as a boy J wants to do 'boy things'; we aren't 'fun' people, etc. I sometimes feel that I have to compete against his other grandparents, who have teens at home, have lots of friends over, have bonfires, etc. It's starting to hurt because for the first 5 years of his life he was here a LOT and he cried when he had to be at his other grandparents (not that I want that) and I really love that kid. Maybe, once again, I feel like I am being abandoned? Maybe that's why I feel so strongly about being able to take care of oneself.............who else will?