Saturday, February 2, 2013

On The Serious Side

Do you ever get so disgusted with yourself that you just wanna throw up your arms and say "I quit", "I just don't care", "who cares?"? I feel that way every so often, which is one of the reasons I don't post. The other is that there's nothing happening that is worthy of sharing. I feel like I am just "letting myself go". I don't like to post depressing, whining stuff.

I'm so disgusted and sick of myself lately. As I am gathering photos for the upcoming scrap-booking retreat (which I am really looking forward to) I see how overweight I have become. I have a Dr. appointment next week and I know I've gained weight, I can feel it/see it in the way my clothes fit (or don't). I wear yoga pants at home....but don't know the first thing about yoga. My Dr. is  going to talk to me (again) about exercise.....I know exactly what she is going to say, we've had this conversation before. I hate exercise, I'd rather dig ditches. I should at least walk.....I like walking (sorta).....I could download pod-casts of the radio programs I listen to....or I could find a friend to walk with. But it's too cold now, really it is. Nine degrees is the predicted high for today. I was a skinny kid and a picky eater............why, oh why, did that change??? I like food and eat nearly anything, but I eat too much of it. I like to bake and eat that too. :-(

And I am worried about diabetes....but I am still eating WAY too much sugar and not exercising. All this week after dinner and the dishes are done I'd just grab my laptop and plop my butt in front of the TV. That's not usually me; I'm either making a mess or trying to clean one of my messes up.  I taking a supplement that is suppose to help with pre-diabetes...but pills aren't the total answer.

I need a new hairstyle. My hair is short so there aren't many choices. I was blog surfing the other day and saw the new haircut one woman had and I LOVED it....but what blog was is? I need that photo! My hair looks like crap lately and I need something that's easy and works with my naturally wavy hair. 

I do want people to like me and I don't think I am an unlikable person, but yet a couple of people (that I know of) don't care for me at all. Well, I don't like them either, but I have seriously tried to be nice and welcome them. I admit I am a loner and it's a good thing! But I do need friends too. Sad to say hubby is not my friend, not my soul mate. He's very quiet at home and sits upstairs in front of his computer or TV all day and doesn't share anything personal. He's quite friendly when he's away from home.............. That's just how he is and I don't understand one bit! The only time he tells me he loves me is when he travels for you know why I like it when he's away. *smile*

Sometimes it gets depressing when you feel like you don't really matter to anyone, except your mother. No, I am not clinically depressed, just a little down today. This, too, shall pass. I have some fun things coming up and will post about them later.


  1. I could have written this whole post! Are you reading my mind?? :)

  2. Hi Linda,

    I'm sorry you are having a bad time lately. Recognizing that you are in a rut is the first step to making positive changes. I hope you will use the negative feelings you are experiencing to motivate you to a new place. Start with the haircut...if you would like, just find something fun and then look for a MASTER STYLIST to help you achieve it....get a consultation..don't just say ok to any stylist. Go with a few pics of styles you like and see if the stylist can recommend the best one for your face and hair texture. If you intuit that the stylist doesn't know what she talking about....thank her and say you need to think about it.
    I know its hard to think of exercise, but just get a small will start feeling better almost immediately.

    Also remember that not everyone will like you. Get to know you better...and work on discovering the good things; then develop them.
    I don't know how much social interaction you engage in, but that is often a huge motivator. I'm a really social person and I feel pretty 'ick' on the days I don't get out and interact or see people.

    Take one day at a time and choose one activity each day that helps you achieve your goal. You could, for example, begin today but writing down the things you want to accomplish...for example

    1. Get a cute, uplifting hair style
    2. Lose weight or get more fit; start exercise routine
    3. Write more
    4. Interact with people more

    Then you could list the things you can do to achieve each of your goals. Yes, you do have to be motivated..and once you begin in earnest, you build momentum and begin to see changes. I also find that keeping a written daily journal helps too,
    Good luck on your deserve to take care of YOU.

  3. Yup ive been there Linda. Maybe even worse. Maybe it was hormonal for me; dont know exactly. I wanted to change my whole life.

    It passed. Took a while--almost a year. I am still world-weary from time to time, but not as bad.

    Ill refrain from advice. Im sure you've heard it all before.

    Best of luck and we're all in this together! xoxo

  4. Hi Linda,
    Oh dear it sounds like you are in need of a pep talk!
    I cannot offer you all the answers but I do implore you to start a gratitude journal. Write 3 things everyday that you are grateful for and you will be surprised how Empowering this will be.
    As to the weight and walking I know how this feels. Just get up and walk 30 minutes and listen to your podcasts while you walk. Time will fly by as the pounds melt off. Trust me it works!
    Start with a few small changes and when they have become a habit try something else on your list.
    Be well and try to smile. You are worth it!