Generally I try not to write when I am upset or depressed. I usually keep to myself, which isn't hard because I lead a really quiet life. I am not one to impose upon others.
1) No one really wants to hear it.
2) It doesn't do a darn bit of good.
3) It's not what I want my blog to be about.
Yes, I do cry myself to sleep sometimes and feel ALL ALONE and like I just don't want to be here. I think back and have serious regrets about parts of my life. I know, what's done is done.
Sometimes (actually my whole life) I just want to be loved, to the the favorite, the first, the best, the most fun....... but no, I am the 2nd wife to a man who is NOT demonstrative at all. In school I was never the tallest or had the best score. I am never the first choice for a partner. I'm always # 2, 3, 4......
Yes, I do have some good friends....but I am not about to pour my heart out. And I am not begging for sympathy here either. I just want everyone to know that I am human and my feelings get hurt too.
It may be harder now, with the cancer, because I am unable to do the things I'd like to. I just don't have the energy.....so I say I don't care.
Sometimes I do things alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.
I'm human and bleed just like the rest of you.
Thanks for reading.