Sunday, September 28, 2014

Sometimes I Get Depressed Too

Generally I try not to write when I am upset or depressed. I usually keep to myself, which isn't hard because I lead a really quiet life. I am not one to impose upon others.
1) No one really wants to hear it.
2) It doesn't do a darn bit of good.
3) It's not what I want my blog to be about. 

Yes, I do cry myself to sleep sometimes and feel ALL ALONE and like I just don't want to be here. I think back and have serious regrets about parts of my life. I know, what's done is done.

Sometimes (actually my whole life) I just want to be loved, to the the favorite, the first, the best, the most fun....... but no, I am the 2nd wife to a man who is NOT demonstrative at all. In school I was never the tallest or had the best score. I am never the first choice for a partner. I'm always # 2, 3, 4......

Yes, I do have some good friends....but I am not about to pour my heart out. And I am not begging for sympathy here either. I just want everyone to know that I am human and my feelings get hurt too.

It may be harder now, with the cancer, because I am unable to do the things I'd like to. I just don't have the I say I don't care. 
Sometimes I do things alone. Sometimes I feel like I'm dammed if I do and dammed if I don't.

I'm human and bleed just like the rest of you.
Thanks for reading. 


  1. What to say?
    I don't have cancer, so I know I can't totally understand, but I once did and it was awful. And it was depressing. Things that were small seemed large and the entire world seemed out of focus. Still, we all have the shared feelings of humanity, regardless of our health. Hurt feelings do indeed HURT. Not everyone is kind. Not everyone gives us the benefit of the doubt or sees the good in us, but that doesn't mean it's not there, and it certainly doesn't mean we're not worthy of better. I KNOW that all people have value and are due respect. I'm sorry that some people are blind to that fact. I feel that I know your "heart" through your posts and it seems so glaringly obvious that you are a kind, thoughtful, talented person. If someone can't see that it speaks volumes about them - not you. I sure wish we lived close to each other. What fun we'd have. ((HUGS))

  2. Oh Linda! This made me want to cry because not only are you experiencing this feeling but I've been there so many days lately. Always remember that you are ALWAYS number 1 in God's eyes! You are His beautiful daughter, His beloved! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share your feelings with us. Anytime you want a friend to talk to, feel free to email me. :) Praying for you daily

  3. I was going to call you today. Still will. I have been grieving off and on this week, wrapped up in my own little world. I have been reading and seeking answers from God. I will call, I will pray. That is all I can do. We all have many regrets and this is a hard time for you physically and emotionally, but Bonnie is right: You are #1 in God's eyes!

  4. You are such a giving, positive person. It is a shame that so many "dump" on you. Your feelings are even more sensitive now than ever and I feel bad that you are hurting. I know that you will be fine because you refuse to let these things keep a hold on you. Hugs!

  5. Lord I pray for Linda and a complete healing of her body. Lord give the dr. wisdom with Linda's health . Lord may Linda, her family feel Your Love, Presence and strength surround them. In Jesus Name I pray.