Sunday, September 7, 2014

I Hate Cancer, I Hate Chemo.....

....and want it all to be over, be gone, outta my life!!! Finally, these past 2 days I feel good and then what? Tomorrow I get to have another round of chemo. I am thankful, only 3 more after that. I hate being so tired all the time that I don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything. I lay in bed but can't sleep.....guess I should be use to that. There are more side effects I experience but I'm not going to elaborate. I'm happy to say that I am taking the chemo very well and can deal with the side effects.

When I was first diagnosed I purchased a pink ribbon key chain, pink ribbon earrings, pink jewelry, baseball cap, and sported my pink hoodie. Right now most of it is safely put away, I don't need that stuff. For Christmas I said I wanted a 'breast cancer survivor' t-shirt or sweatshirt. I planned to get involved with breast cancer survivors somehow, now I am not so sure what I will do.

I just want to get it over with, put it all behind me, get on with my life. It has only been a few months and in a few more months this part of it should be over. I know it's something that will ALWAYS be with me. What I am saying is that I don't want it staring me in the face, I don't want breast cancer to be who I am, I am anxious to get over it (I'm always in a hurry, so that makes sense to me.) I don't need to be constantly reminded of this stage in my life. I am a scrapbooker and was gifted some pink ribbon paper and will scrapbook this part of my life, because it is a PART of me....just like ex-husbands. (I have pics but am not scrapbooking him.)

We are not our illnesses. They are a part of us, but we are so much more!

So NO! I  will not walk around with a cardboard sign around my neck!!!


  1. Amen! You are so right! While my cancer was not breast cancer, I too look BACK to that part of my life. I often forget that I am a cancer survivor! This will soon be a part of your PAST!

  2. I thought I was somehow disloyal to the movement in not sporting the pink or not wanting to be a part of it all. You verbalize so much better than I. This is a moment in our lives we do not have to be defined by it.

  3. I so agree with Linda. Mine was breast cancer, but not nearly to the extent you have. I never had to go through chemo. But it's my was my journey...but it is not ME. As you said we are so much more than that old cancer. I'm so proud of you.

  4. Oh wow! Well said! I think you're on the right track. Praying all goes well for you this week.
    Hugs! Sherry

  5. You know, I really think that you are right on the money here- You are MORE than a breast cancer victim. It is just part of your journey. I think each person deals with it in their own way and your way is going to stand you in good stead. 1 more tomorrow and then 3 to go! Whoo Hooo- You can do this! xo Diana

  6. I can't imagine how you must want this awful disease out of your life so you can move on. In the meantime...don't let it define you! You are more than your much more beautiful lady! Prayers for you...:)

    Hugs, Vicky

  7. I can understand how you will want to put this behind you. I tried a Crohn's and Colitis support group. I really didn't want to hear the horror stories, and besides, I was better after surgery. So, like you, I don't want any part of that movement either! It was a horrible part of my life, but Thank God, it is over! "...and it came to pass!"


  8. You have such a wonderful attitude! Thinking of you today.