The Weekend

As I wrote in my last post hearing the cancer diagnosis twice in less then 2 years is hard, very hard to take. I think I cried all the way home, just the tears rolling down my face. Honestly, I don't think I have ever cried so much or felt so sad (even after my mom passed - I knew she'd be ok and I've always taken care of myself).

Thanks to Xanax I slept relatively good that night. I've been so thirsty and since I have a cold I've turned into a mouth breather. So......I'd wake up get a drink and go to the bathroom and sleep for a couple more hours. I try to go to bed as early as possible and stay in bed as late as I can.....less time to worry. 

Saturday morning I received a phone call from Jalen, his mom found out about my cancer and told him, of course he was crying. Thankfully his mom brought him over so I could talk to him, I wanted to tell him in person. He talked about heaven and how hard this could be on grandpa. I'm thankful he understands heaven. He told me there 's a book at school about cancer he wants to check out. He also told me to take his teddy bear (pictured above) and hug it when I miss him or when I am sad. He is such a loving soul. He made breakfast and later we played a couple of games. His younger brother was over too, Kevin played with him, he doesn't understand the way the older boys do.

 After they left I laid on the couch and cried some more. Kevin and I agreed to get a 2nd opinion in Madison (I hope). I'm glad I have friends to drive me/go to appointments with me. Kevin can not afford to take a lot of time off work.
I just laid around the remainder of the day and let the miserable roll down my face. I didn't want to read, play computer games, write, watch tv, or talk to anyone....altho I did talk and text a few people.
Between feeling nauseous one minute and hungry the next it's hard for me to eat. .....but after dinner I can take a Xanax and go to bed....so I did!
I do eat (not a lot), I know I have to eat (learned that from chemo). I weigh myself everyday....per doctors orders....and I am loosing weight every day, over 10# so far. I wouldn't normally complain......
I am so thirsty.....for COLD things: ice tea (nothing new), beer (I actually cracked one open last night and had 2 nice cold drinks), tangy lemonade, a salty Bloody Mary would be delicious........
Sunday several people brought over food for us. We were invited out to the new Mexican place in town...but....I would have had to get dressed and leave the house and my stomach would have had to allow me to put food in it. I asked for a rain check.
Sunday I laid around again, I did rally a bit later in the afternoon. Kev grilled pork tenderloin on the grill. It was very good....the little bit that I ate.
Today: Monday
I have an appointment in an hour with my oncologist to see what I am fighting. I will keep you posted. My bff is going with me, I need a 2nd set of eyes and ears....Kev can not afford to take off work. 
My pastor was over today. I told him I am empty and can't pray, all I could manage was 'Help me'.
I'll write more when I can.
Thank you so much for your prayers and for caring.