Friday, February 13, 2015

It's Valentine's Day! and A Few Serious Thoughts

Is it a special day for you? How do you celebrate?
We don't do anything, guess I am used to it. 
We are going to dinner tomorrow....well, it's a 50th anniversary party for a good friend of mine....does that count? It will be nice to help Carolee and Jon celebrate their special day.

Today I had 2 doctor appointments and one with occupational therapy. I have some exercises to do to loosen up any tightness in the underarm area. I'm doing pretty good but wasn't sure how much to force my arm, now I know what to do. I'll make an appointment to see the therapist here and see if I need more. I saw the surgeon and she said everything is healing fine and to see her in 6 months. It felt good to hear that!
I also saw one of my cardiologists today, I feel good and my blood work is good so there isn't much he could say until he sees another ECHO. I am seeing him an a month and getting an ECHO. I'm sure I'll be nervous to get the results from that.
Next month I have an appointment with my other cardiologist and will decide what we are going to do regarding my life-vest defibrillator, well...., I mean..... what's the plan for my heart???
The past week I have been feeling like I don't deserve to call myself a breast cancer survivor, after all I still have my breasts, my incision is only a few inches long. (I am not sure, did not look at it that closely.)  There are so many women who have gone through so much more than I have. Then I remember the chemo (how did I do that? one day I was there all day.) Next week I start radiation...not looking forward to that either....but I am told it's a piece of cake compared to chemo.
I have been feeling really good and doing the things that I want to this week. I found some bargains at the thrift store, ran everyday errands, went to lunch at school with 2 of my grandsons, went to the band concert for one of them....and just normal household duties. I almost feel guilty that I feel so good...but then I look down and see the battery pack hanging around my waist and think 'a normal person doesn't walk around wearing a life-vest defibrillator '.
Yes, I am through with part of my breast cancer journey but it's far from over, my oncologist wants to put me on some kind of drug, I forgot the name. I looked up some of the most popular ones and they all have very undesirable side effects. Originally I was to be on herceptin for a year, but that is what caused my CHF so that is out of the question. 
Why can't I just stay like I am? I feel like a normal person.

Why do I need more poison in my body?
If I were 20 years older I'd just take my chances without the drugs.


  1. You have every right to call yourself a breast cancer survivor! You were blessed compared to some, but you fought a long, hard battle and you won! I admire your strength and positivity throughout your experience with the cancer as well as the heart condition. Blessings to you and enjoy the anniversary party. :)

  2. Hard choices. Praying the Holy Spirit will lead you in making the right ones - for YOU!
    'Normal' is a state I have longed for all my life! Recently I saw a photo on Facebook and it said that "Normal is a just setting on the clothes dryer!" Whatever it is - I love 'NORMAL!'

  3. Linda- I am glad you are feeling so good but sorry you have to have the drugs that are coming. People that have had chemo do say that radiation is very endurable after chemo. I will keep you in my prayers and hope it all goes smoothly and that the side effects are not too bad. xo Diana

  4. YOU ARE A BREAST CANCER SURVIVOR. When I was diagnosed with stage one, and had only two small lumpectomies and 8 weeks radiation, I felt the same way. I felt mine was to easy too simple. I didn't lose my breasts.. I do have one big one and one little one.. but breasts are overrated anyway. I had to come to grips with God's Plan for ME had nothing to do with someone else's life. I praise God I am a Survivor and praise Him every day.
    You are MORE than survivor... you are an INSPIRATION. Love you tons.

  5. God bless you, sweet friend. You've been through so much and come so far, and it's not been an easy journey. Can't believe the pace you're doing things. Amazing. Glad you're doing the things you enjoy. Praying for a bright future for you and that these feelings fade and are replaced by good ones as you move forward.