Sunday, October 26, 2014

The Truth Be Told

Last week was full of appointments.
On Thursday I had 2 doctor appointments, piece of cake, eh?
The day started out with a misunderstanding on facebook. You'd think I'd know better!
Then it's off to my dr appointments. I made sure I arrived early enough to be on time, I need extra time b/c I need to rest. It's really hard for me to walk from the car to the building, but I make it and plop down on a bench so I can catch my breath. After a bit I walk into the hall and look for a wheel chair. There aren't any! Oh No! I have to walk down a 10 mile (it might as well be) hallway to get a chair. After a couple of stops to lean against the wall I spot a friend walking toward the elevator. I finally get her attention and ask if she's get me a wheelchair....I am almost in tears. By the time she gets back to me I am in tears. I am sure she has never seen me like that, but I just couldn't help it. So here is my Red Hat friend, who is on her way to get her stitches out, pushing me in a wheel chair. We were both going to the same place so we had a chance to visit too. 
The nurse weighed me and I gained more weight. Then I saw the cardiologist. He tells me my heart is pumping at 33% and my mouth drops open. I don't have any idea of what it should be, I'll ask when I see him this week. I have congestive heart disease. Sounds pretty scary to me! Therefore my surgery is postponed. Three upsetting things in my day so far.....and I am very weak. The busy week tired me out. After that appointment one of the nurses wheeled me to my next one.
When I got home I had to call Kev at work to tell him not to take off work this week. I must have sounded teary b/c he asked if I was OK and said he'd be home soon. ....unusual conversation for us.
Before he left for bowling he came up behind me and gave me a genuine hug, told me he loved me and said it will get better. It's a side of him I don't see. I am not a crier and he thinks tears are just a ploy for attention. Not on Thursday they weren't. I think I talked to my girlfriend that day too and cried on her shoulder. It was a bad day!

The cardiologist gave me a prescription for Lasix  and another pill to go with it. Everyone is telling me I'll be in the bathroom every 5 minutes, but I am not. I am trying to drink but am perpetually nauseous and don't like eating or drinking so I am not drinking 2 quarts. Of course I am craving pickles now....too salty for me. I have some questions for him and my next appointment isn't until Thursday so I am going to call him tomorrow.

I know it has only been 6 months and some people deal with cancer for years.............but this is getting to be so draining on my body and spirit. How do they do it???
I have noticed, when I am in bed, trying to sleep and listening to myself breath, that my heart is not beating so hard or racing. Since the doctor changed my blood pressure meds my cough is better, it should go away.
If you know me you know I don't feel well b/c I have no desire to stop at the thrift or craft store. I don't even want to leave the house. I don't want to do anything. I'd prefer to sleep, but I just nap in the afternoon. Four weeks out of chemo and my eyes water constantly and my nose drips all the time.  From what I understand that could LAST a long time.
I am hoping by the end of the week to feel a teeny tiny bit just be able to walk to my car without huffing and puffing. be able to wash the dishes without taking 3 reach into the washer to get the laundry out of it.

Thanks for listening to me whine.


  1. You're not're just keeping it real. This is your life right now and you are sharing it. Don't feel guilty for it. You have a lot on your plate right now. I pray you have a better week and have more energy this week. Keep the faith and keep your spirits up.

    Blessings and Hugs,

  2. You can whine if you want to but I don't think you are whining here- I think you are just talking it out and getting it off your chest. I am so sorry that you are dealing with the heart issue on top of everything else. Chemo is bad enough without complications. You are so tired because your heart is only working at 33%, Linda. Hopefully, the meds will help you and restore some strength to you. I think sometimes that tears are just our way of dealing with something when we just feel overwhelmed and don't know which way to go next...or what to expect.

    Hang in there. You just have to get over this hurdle and start feeling stronger-then you won't be so tired and you will feel more like yourself. Meanwhile just rest-that is really the best thing you can do to heal your body.

    Wish I was there- I would give you a big (gentle) hug. God bless you-you are in my prayers. Would you like me to put out another prayer request for you next Sunday? I would be happy to do that. Let me know- xo Diana

  3. (((BIG HUGS))) I hurt for you. We are a tough breed and you will get better. I am SO sorry.

  4. I am proud to be your friend. I don't mind you crying on my shoulder. God knows I've cried on yours enough times! Don't feel bad about "whining". This is your life right now. "it's your party and you can cry if you want to!" I am glad you are calling your cardiologist. Hope you get over this hump soon!

  5. That's not whining. You're having a very hard time and need to talk. Chemo is very draining. I have a friend who went through the whole process, and I cannot even begin to understand how hard it was for her. I wish I could comfort you and be there for you. I do care about you very much..

  6. Oh Linda I am so very sorry. I have just been thinking how I wish I was more normal because I can only swim a quarter of the laps I could before all this started and how tired I am staying to get. .. then I read your post...take good care it will get better. Hugs