Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Divorce Hurts

Having been through a divorce myself I understand how devastating it can be. No matter if you're at fault or not, if you worked at making it work you feel unloved and a failure, that "lovin' feeling" make be gone but your heart is still broken, your dreams are shattered. Your trust/belief in the opposite sex may be gone. If you are lucky it can be civil, mine was for the most part; or it can be war...fighting over everything, dirty tricks, bad mouthing the other party and making everyone involved miserable. The whole thing just sucks! If children are involved it is so much worse, they may see the other parent treat you badly and tell you to leave, but they still love both parents and may not like you for what 'you have done' to their world. It takes a lot of courage to divorce someone you once loved and planned to spend the rest of your life with. Of there are those who just divorce on a whim at the first sign of a disagreement, they don't understand that marriage is work, it takes 2 (like my mom always said). Maybe they were never meant to marry in the first place???
My dear friend and sister in law is leaving her husband of over 10 years, it was a 2nd marriage for her and 3rd for him. They have an almost 8 year old son together and he has other children. Over the years we could see things change.....did becoming a Christian change her? For many years she submitted to him, prayed, and listened to the Lord. Did their son take her attention away from him? Her hubby is very selfish, wants all of the attention to himself.
She told me today that one of her friends said that she appeared to be a weak person, but after knowing for the past years my SIL she sees what a strong person she really is. She took the verbal/emotional/mental abuse because she was sure this is where God wanted her. She had joy in the world around her. She has the major role in caring for their son. She's a very friendly, happy, sweet person. None of her family lives here, only her in laws. But she is staying here because she doesn't want to take her son away from his dad and this is where her life is. My hubby and hers are twins...........can you say awkward!!! We all love her and don't want her to leave the family, but she has been beaten down and just can not get up anymore in that environment.
She has been permanently laid off and has to decide if she will go to school or get a job now (at 47). Her son can be difficult (ADHD and defiance disorder). He can be very self centered like his dad. But he can be very kind and loving to her. It's hard to raise a boy alone....been there, done that.
My heart breaks for her, I know how much it hurts. I am hoping that once she moves and gets settled in she will feel calmer and at peace and that her ex can be civil to her (he's famous for cutting down the ex, he's the perfect one (not). She has a lot of friends and is very responsible so I am sure she'll be OK. She may not be my SIL anymore but she'll still be my friend!!! Love ya Michele!!!


  1. I love Michele too and will help in any way possible.

  2. Having been in this position, I know what a challenge it can be. I wish her well.