Monday, August 4, 2014

It's My Blog And I'll Write What I Want To......

I was going to say that I am sorry that my blog has turned into a cancer blog....but I'm not sorry. That's is what is consuming my life right now. I feel bad that I have lost followers (for maybe that reason?) Don't read this post if you don't want my real life experiences with chemo.....I don't think I am complaining but some of you might. I am trying to share my experience with anyone who wants to learn more/understand how I feel. 
I try not to post too much on facebook, mostly I say that I'm tired and can't wait for bed. When I finally feel better I post that I'm human again.

Today I posted:
"Every morning I get up feeling optimistic.....will today be the day I start to feel better??? I hope so...in the mean time I just plug along........."
Apparently someone thought I was looking for sympathy. And someone else commented:
'' Learn to live with the cross that you bear and you will feel better.''

Right or wrong I took offense to that comment and was really hurt. To me it sounded akin to saying that a person suffers from depression b/c of sin and if you confess and repent you will be healed. I thought I had come to terms with my cancer, I thought I was just letting my facebook friends know that I am not up to par yet, I thought that my posts were not complaints. 

Well that's that.

This new round of chemo has totally different side effects, some of which I mentioned earlier and some that recently set in.
heartburn that doesn't go away (at least I think that's what it is)
weird pain in my hands between my thumb and pointer
my body temperature seems to be off, I am often cold
NOTHING I eat or drink tastes good at all, so I don't even want to eat
I am hoping those things get better! But I don't know if they will. After all my body is full of that poison.

I was feeling quite lazy last weekend....but our grandson came over on friday and stayed until this morning. I am not sure why mom did not pick him up after 7 when she finished work last night. I didn't push it b/c I know he hates going to the place they are staying...mom & dad are separated.  Thankfully he is a couch potato and didn't mind watching TV or playing on the computer. We did play a couple of board games. I spent a lot of time napping. He left shortly after 10 today, and as much as I love him, I am happy to be home alone. I should have gone the the grocery store but I don't feel like putting make up on or leaving the house. I had plans this afternoon.....the event was cancelled.....I wasn't going to go anyway.  Tomorrow night I had plans too, but won't make that either. 
I did wash the dishes and plan to wash & fold laundry today. Guess it's time to take pleasure in the little things. 
Thanks for reading!

19 comments:

  1. Bless you heart. Your facebook post didn't sound at all like a complaint to me and I feel that was a little rude for that person to write what they did. Just because you are looking forward to better days doesn't mean you haven't accepted your circumstances. Quite the opposite if you ask me. I'll keep reading because who knows, I may be in your shoes someday. This is your life right now...post about whatever you want! I hope and pray you feel better soon.

    Blessings, Vicky

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    1. Thank you. hopefully you won't be in my shoes in the future, but we never know.

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    1. I do not think about it every day and I think I am bearing my cross and do celebrate the good days.

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  3. I think you are a strong brave lady, and think chemo is most certainly terribly hard and draining!!
    You are not complaining-- just telling it like it is! Praying for you!

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  4. Hi Linda,
    That is too bad that some people may not be following you anymore because of your cancer. I try not to pa attention to the follower gadget...I have 2 people drop last week..oh well... It is your blog and the cancer is part of your life...so blogging about it would be normal. Chin up, you do have friends in blogland that care!
    warmly,
    deb

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    1. Thank you. I feel bad that I have not kept up with my blogs and post comments.

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  5. I love your blogs. And if people stop following them because of your cancer, it is their loss. How pathetic of them.

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  6. Linda, I have been following you only a little while and did so because you were talking about your caner, you see I have been going through chemo and radiation treatments with my husband. He has throat cancer. I was searching for info from others going through the same, cancer. So keep posting and sharing! You never know who you may be helping! As a caregiver it isn't an road to travel.

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    1. Yes, I am hoping to educate others. God Bless you and your hubby, That can not be fun at all.

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  7. Linda, as you know, I have been following you for a long time, and hope to continue for a long time more. I find your blogs cover many subjects - life as it is - your family, your shopping, and now your problems with cancer and treatments. Please continue as you are doing. i feel so blessed that I have escaped the big "C", and pray that you will recover fully. God bless you. Sarah Stainback

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  8. Linda, You know I am human and that I love you and hope the best for you. I will be here for you and help you bear that cross! We all are!
    Deb

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  9. People that make comments like that certainly don't stop and think before they do. They sure don't follow the, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." rule. I am grateful that you are willing to share...I think it is good for you to share it and good for your readers to hear it. It is good understanding and education for those of us that read it.
    Keep sharing...it is a visit between visits for me. I am always interested in how you are feeling. Hugs!

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  10. The Person who wrote that on FB is "clueless". They have no idea what it's like to walk in your shoes or they wouldn't have written that...I find that here in Blogland people comment less because it's summer and life is usually extra "full" during the summer months and they have less time to visit around - at least that's my situation. My favorite part of blogging is being able to keep it real and share or heart, whether we're running at maximum strength or dragging our tail feathers. udos for yo for not sugar coating things, but instead allowing us to know what your experiences are really like. Ai don't know how you do all the things you do.

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  11. Linda, don't you worry about what other people think about YOUR blog. I don't know why they can't understand that when we post about what we're going through with our Cancer journey, it's merely to help them understand how we are feeling and what we are experiencing. You'd think that most people would be understanding and sympathetic instead of being critical. Write for yourself and write for those who love and appreciate you. The rest of them...they can go find another blog to read. Don't hold onto the offense though because that gives Satan a stronghold in your life. Let it go and move on!

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  12. You are a jewel and this is exactly the venue to share. Followers are voyeurs, more will come. Some people can't deal (don't want to deal) with others pain. It's okay it is all about choice! Hugs! Oh and I am having surgery next week.

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    1. Lois, my last name is JUUL, pronounced jewel, so your comment is too funny. :-) God Bless your surgery and may it turn out EXCELLENT.

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