I was going to say that I am sorry that my blog has turned into a cancer blog....but I'm not sorry. That's is what is consuming my life right now. I feel bad that I have lost followers (for maybe that reason?) Don't read this post if you don't want my real life experiences with chemo.....I don't think I am complaining but some of you might. I am trying to share my experience with anyone who wants to learn more/understand how I feel.
I try not to post too much on facebook, mostly I say that I'm tired and can't wait for bed. When I finally feel better I post that I'm human again.
Today I posted:
"Every morning I get up feeling optimistic.....will today be the day I start to feel better??? I hope so...in the mean time I just plug along........."
Apparently someone thought I was looking for sympathy. And someone else commented:
'' Learn to live with the cross that you bear and you will feel better.''
Right or wrong I took offense to that comment and was really hurt. To me it sounded akin to saying that a person suffers from depression b/c of sin and if you confess and repent you will be healed. I thought I had come to terms with my cancer, I thought I was just letting my facebook friends know that I am not up to par yet, I thought that my posts were not complaints.
Well that's that.
This new round of chemo has totally different side effects, some of which I mentioned earlier and some that recently set in.
heartburn that doesn't go away (at least I think that's what it is)
weird pain in my hands between my thumb and pointer
my body temperature seems to be off, I am often cold
NOTHING I eat or drink tastes good at all, so I don't even want to eat
I am hoping those things get better! But I don't know if they will. After all my body is full of that poison.
I was feeling quite lazy last weekend....but our grandson came over on friday and stayed until this morning. I am not sure why mom did not pick him up after 7 when she finished work last night. I didn't push it b/c I know he hates going to the place they are staying...mom & dad are separated. Thankfully he is a couch potato and didn't mind watching TV or playing on the computer. We did play a couple of board games. I spent a lot of time napping. He left shortly after 10 today, and as much as I love him, I am happy to be home alone. I should have gone the the grocery store but I don't feel like putting make up on or leaving the house. I had plans this afternoon.....the event was cancelled.....I wasn't going to go anyway. Tomorrow night I had plans too, but won't make that either.
I did wash the dishes and plan to wash & fold laundry today. Guess it's time to take pleasure in the little things.
Thanks for reading!