*starting to get overwhelmed
I just had to buy this new, tags on, t-shirt when I saw it at the thrift store.
We had a nice time in Reno.
I barely gambled and did make some money, not as much as Michelle did tho...she made about $1000...of course she spent more time on the machines than I did.
One night we saw a magic show with some beautiful wild cats, it was pretty good.
The following night we went to a comedy show. I didn't care for most of it, call me a prude but saying F* and talking about body parts isn't funny to me. The main act did make me laugh about 3 times. The Christian comedy team I've seen several times really makes me laugh.
The night before we left I was ready about chemo treatments and how sick the gals were....well, that makes me scared and I broke down and was crying softly (that's me). The only reason Kevin knew I was crying was because I had to get up and get a tissue. He asks me 'What's wrong?' dumb question is what I am thinking so I just say 'Don't you know what's wrong?' I go back to bed and stay on my side and he stays on his side....making me feel even worse. All I want is to be held....and he's so stupid that he doesn't know that!!!!! Unfortunately, I feel this is about ME right now and I was hurting.
I slept very badly that night, the first time since my diagnosis. I had to be up shortly after 6 so we'd be ready to leave for the airport. I was tired (and I am very weak then) so I was crying again as we waited for the limo.....still no hugs or even a touch from Kevin. I finally got over it and was 'normal' again, we made it home ok shortly before 9PM.
I got up today before 6 so I could eat something this morning. After 6, until 8, I can only have clear liquids.
I have a 9AM appt with the oncologist....to find out my chemo schedule and meds....scary....
I have to be at the surgery center at noon to have the port inserted....more scary.......
On the bright side I'll be able to sleep all afternoon, and I'm still tired.
I'm not scared of the surgery or the outcome of the treatments...just the process of it. Some women get so sick and some work through it. I have to order a wig....never done that. I'm a natural red head, my hair has always been noticeable....how can I be without it???
Thanks for letting me vent!