The Truth Be Told

Last week was full of appointments.

On Thursday I had 2 doctor appointments, piece of cake, eh?

The day started out with a misunderstanding on facebook. You'd think I'd know better!

Then it's off to my dr appointments. I made sure I arrived early enough to be on time, I need extra time b/c I need to rest. It's really hard for me to walk from the car to the building, but I make it and plop down on a bench so I can catch my breath. After a bit I walk into the hall and look for a wheel chair. There aren't any! Oh No! I have to walk down a 10 mile (it might as well be) hallway to get a chair. After a couple of stops to lean against the wall I spot a friend walking toward the elevator. I finally get her attention and ask if she's get me a wheelchair....I am almost in tears. By the time she gets back to me I am in tears. I am sure she has never seen me like that, but I just couldn't help it. So here is my Red Hat friend, who is on her way to get her stitches out, pushing me in a wheel chair. We were both going to the same place so we had a chance to visit too. 

The nurse weighed me and I gained more weight. Then I saw the cardiologist. He tells me my heart is pumping at 33% and my mouth drops open. I don't have any idea of what it should be, I'll ask when I see him this week. I have congestive heart disease. Sounds pretty scary to me! Therefore my surgery is postponed. Three upsetting things in my day so far.....and I am very weak. The busy week tired me out. After that appointment one of the nurses wheeled me to my next one.

When I got home I had to call Kev at work to tell him not to take off work this week. I must have sounded teary b/c he asked if I was OK and said he'd be home soon. ....unusual conversation for us.

Before he left for bowling he came up behind me and gave me a genuine hug, told me he loved me and said it will get better. It's a side of him I don't see. I am not a crier and he thinks tears are just a ploy for attention. Not on Thursday they weren't. I think I talked to my girlfriend that day too and cried on her shoulder. It was a bad day!

The cardiologist gave me a prescription for Lasix  and another pill to go with it. Everyone is telling me I'll be in the bathroom every 5 minutes, but I am not. I am trying to drink but am perpetually nauseous and don't like eating or drinking so I am not drinking 2 quarts. Of course I am craving pickles now....too salty for me. I have some questions for him and my next appointment isn't until Thursday so I am going to call him tomorrow.

I know it has only been 6 months and some people deal with cancer for years.............but this is getting to be so draining on my body and spirit. How do they do it???

I have noticed, when I am in bed, trying to sleep and listening to myself breath, that my heart is not beating so hard or racing. Since the doctor changed my blood pressure meds my cough is better, it should go away.

If you know me you know I don't feel well b/c I have no desire to stop at the thrift or craft store. I don't even want to leave the house. I don't want to do anything. I'd prefer to sleep, but I just nap in the afternoon. Four weeks out of chemo and my eyes water constantly and my nose drips all the time.  From what I understand that could LAST a long time.

I am hoping by the end of the week to feel a teeny tiny bit better.....to just be able to walk to my car without huffing and puffing. .....to be able to wash the dishes without taking 3 breaks....to reach into the washer to get the laundry out of it.

Thanks for listening to me whine.